@Doug Miller I do like the way that metaphors allow us to catch glimpses of ourselves, especially non-conscious parts of ourselves, that normally escape our notice; and the way they provide us some psychic distance. What you describe reminds me of Michael White’s concept of “externalization of the problem”. I’m not on board with much of White’s theorizing about how the world works, but as a therapeutic (or the coaching varient) approach that particular concept is certainly powerful, much as you describe. Lots of good points Doug. Thanks.

Thanks to the prior commenters, too, for the link to Wendy Wood and the explanation of subject/object metaphors.

Incredible!

Cheers,
CJ

Great metaphor. For those that are interested in why metaphors are so incredibly powerful in developing ourselves it would be worth checking out Kegan’s work at Harvard around subject object theory. As I understand it, subject object theory says that the phase of development I am in is subject (I am unaware of it) while the previous phase of development is object (I can observe it).

Thus when I don’t know what I don’t know OR I don’t realize I am the elephant and the rider – I have no objectivity around the situation. Telling me to change feels like trying to change ME (my whole entire being). And this can get really personal really fast!

The metaphor gives me the ability to step outside of my self (the dynamic) which makes it more objective. Then when you start talking to me about it… it no longer feels to me like we are talking about ME. We are just talking about my behavior – the objective. Or when I start thinking about it, it is no longer lost in the overwhelm of attempting to change the core of my being.

Since I have learned about this I am amazed at how powerful it is. In my executive and personal coaching work I identify a metaphor that supports a client in seeing their “current way of being” related to the topic we are coaching on. Then we create a metaphor for a “new way of being” related to their topic.

For example, I have a client that gets lost in all the details and tasks of life. She also ends up spending more time focused on everyone else and doesn’t take care of herself. (Other dynamics play into this as well.) Her current way of being metaphor is the way of the “Janitor.” And her new way of being metaphor is the way of the “Abbot” (like in a seminary or spiritual community). Her new way is all about seeing the bigger picture, balancing self and other, and moving with the flow of what is happening around her.

Now in the midst of her day she can very quickly SEE (observe) the Janitor driving her behavior. The dynamic is no longer subject. And she can be “informed” by the new way of being metaphor.

So, after reading the post above many of us will now be able to identify the dynamic of the elephant and the rider. And upon identifying the dynamic gain some ability to influence it (or at least change our reaction/relationship to it).

Also, it will give others around you the ability to talk about it in much less offensive terms. “Hey Doug, how are you doing up there on that elephant today?”

Hope this is helpful…

Be well,
Doug Miller

Wow. That’s great that you came across the post, and I’m really glad to hear that you enjoyed it.

It would be wonderful to set that up. As I’m not sure of an efficient way to reach you, my email is mgorsline(at)enjoyparentingagain(dot)com. Since it’s a long one, another option is to get there via my blog link through my name on this post. My contact info is easy to find there.

I find btw that those absurd reductions tend to come in handy an awful lot. Nice one there.

Thank you,

Michael

Way cool. You and I could maintain some high-level BS about this until the elephants…er, cows…come home. Let’s set that up.

My absurd reduction of this fertile conversation would be this:

The smartest people are the ones that realize they have a big, powerful, dumb part of themselves that has a whole lot to do with what they do. They structure their life in a very intelligent way that manages the dumb and powerful part.

The dumb people think they’re smart all the time.

Thanks for your contribution to the Times.

David

@Abhay Parvate: I like where you’re taking this with teaching. At minimum you work with your elephant as you are teaching students to work with their respective elephants. And I also think the other level your refer to is absolutely analogous: that as the conscious mind cannot push around the unconscious at will, the teacher can never bully a student into learning, but has to be more subtle and skillful, using coaxing, repetition and luring much like we must do if we want to have more influence with our personal pachyderms.

“But he‚Äôs in for a surprise if he believes that he can control the elephant‚Äôs every move.”

This is what David Allen has been calling “too tight a grip”, but the metaphor is a good way of visualizing it!

In fact apart from some ideas on GTD, this has lead me to a thought in a different direction since one of the things that I do is teach programming related courses: Programming is not just a set of concepts but a practice, which requires a lot of discipline and habits and being watchful. Neither just presenting the concepts, nor “gripping the students too tight” is going to achieve it; it will require the kind of training that has some similarity with the metaphor. Of course there is a level difference: students are neither elephants nor subconscious minds (though acquiring discipline and habits may refer to their subconscious minds)!

Thanks for a metaphor which is potentially useful in many situations, not just GTD!